Chat,

What’s the matter with outside?

DIPPY: Yeah, you guys are wimps.

[All fall silent as the HUMAN slams her laptop shut, fills a watering can, and wanders among them. Finishing the dining room plants, she heads for the living room.]

PHIL: Hey, Human, you forgot me!

SHANNON [smugly]: She likes us better than you.

DAFFY AND DIPPY: Surprise, surprise!

PHIL: Come b-a-a-ack, Human!

SHANNON: No chance. I saw that crazed look in her eyes.

DIPPY: The Human’s off to Ivanhoe’s for sure. I heard her say they’ve started serving strawberry shortcake.

PHIL: Another sure sign a blizzard will hit.

DAFFY: Maybe we should hunker down, girl.

DIPPY: First, I want to say something. [To the inside plants] We may not be the brightest flowers in the seed catalog —

DAFFY: What do you mean? We are the brightest! We cheer up humans in March when nothing else does … though our bulbs didn’t come from a seed catalog [hangs head]. We’re from the Walmart bin.

DIPPY [ignoring him]: We always show up, no matter the weather. Then we take care of ourselves. We don’t have to be pampered, like some plants. [She turns her back on PHIL.]

SINEAD [whispers to SHANNON]: Why does the Human keep Phil anyway? He’s skinny and scraggly and not nice.

PHIL: Simple, Sinead: I blackmail her. I know the Human’s editors. And how many naps our Human takes per day.

Besides … she knows I’m good at giving her ideas for columns.